Well folks this is my first blog post here, and my first blog post without a girlfriend forcing me to write it ever! Don't you feel so lucky? Yeah, you bet your sweet ass ya fucking do. I suppose there should be a theme to these posts, so all my whining and bitching will be excused as teaching tools. Is that the truth? Hell no. Neither is sitting there and pretending you have something better to do than read blogs in between your spank sessions to primordial midgets dressed as Pokemon. Now I shall endeavor to enrich your lives with lessons that I have suffered through.
LESSON I: Fuck you (Your Heart's last message to the body before a heart attack)
A fat guy having a heart attack? How unusual. As my heart attempted to kill me, my mind was racing with questions. Why the hell does this hurt so bad? Is it possible to shit yourself from pain? Why did M.A.S.H. get so heavy handed in the final season? How hard is it to get shit stains out of carpet? Why is my heart trying to kill ME?!?
Was it all the spicy food induced heart burn attacks? Perhaps it was the fact my blood was like tooth paste. For whatever reason my heart had gone traitor, on a mission to kill me with feces inducing pain. It then occurred to me it could have something to do with the stress of my fiance for over two years leaving me combined with losing my job and being fat. I still got my money on it being part of an evil liberal plan.
The lesson boys and girls? Take care of yourselves. I'm only twenty one, and this one attack literally killed me. Watch your bodies and take care of your mind. Play games, take walks, do whatever helps you chill out and takes your mind off whats plaguing it. Or don't. I don't fucking care. Now fuck off, I got to get back to my midget porn.
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